Assembly Instructions for Getting Out of Bed
Congratulations on your purchase of One (1) Morning. Before you begin, please read all instructions carefully. Some energy required. Energy not included. Estimated assembly time: anywhere from four minutes to most of the hour, depending on factors beyond your control and ours.
Quick assembly guide
Step 1
Open eyes. This step is deceptively difficult and is not guaranteed on the first attempt. Do not force. The fog is a feature, not a defect.
Step 2
Run a system check before moving anything. Lie still and take inventory of all parts while horizontal. Skipping this step voids your morning.
Step 3
Locate Hardware (energy). Check the usual place. If the hardware bag appears empty, refer to troubleshooting. There is, unfortunately, no resolution at this time.
Step 4
Roll, do not lift. Let gravity assist. This is the correct and dignified method, regardless of how it looks.
Step 5
Achieve a seated position on the edge of the bed. Pause here. Sitting on the edge staring at the floor is a required stage of assembly.
Step 6
Transfer weight to the legs. Stand slowly. Use the nightstand, the wall, or sheer stubbornness as a brace. Wait for the room to hold still.
Step 7
You are now assembled, more or less, to the tolerances available today. Minor wobbling is within acceptable limits.
Parts List
Please confirm you have received the following before beginning:
- One (1) body, condition variable
- Two (2) legs, function may differ from illustration
- One (1) back, may have shifted during the night
- One (1) head, contents foggy, handle with care
- Hardware (energy): quantity uncertain, check overnight delivery
If any parts are missing, this is normal and expected. Proceed anyway. There is no customer service line, and the one there is will place you on hold.
Step 1
Open eyes. This step is deceptively difficult and is not guaranteed on the first attempt. Do not force. If the eyes resist, wait, then try again. The fog described in Figure A is a feature of the product, not a defect.
Step 2
Run a system check before moving anything. Lie still and take inventory of all parts while horizontal. Note any overnight changes to the back, hips, and shoulders. Do not skip this step. Skipping this step voids your morning.
Step 3
Locate Hardware (energy). Check the usual place. If the hardware bag appears empty, refer to the troubleshooting section. Many users report this exact issue and there is, unfortunately, no resolution at this time.
Step 4
Roll, do not lift. Attempting to sit straight up using the abdominal muscles (Figure C) is not recommended and may result in a sound you have not heard before. Instead, roll to one side and let gravity assist. This is the correct and dignified method, regardless of how it looks.
Step 5
Achieve a seated position on the edge of the bed. Pause here. This is not optional. Sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the floor is a required stage of assembly and may take longer than all previous steps combined. The floor is not the enemy. The floor is just very far away today.
Step 6
Transfer weight to the legs. Caution: legs may report function levels inconsistent with yesterday's. Stand slowly. Use the nightstand, the wall, or sheer stubbornness as a brace. Wait for the room to agree to hold still before proceeding.
Step 7
You are now assembled, more or less, to the tolerances available today. Minor wobbling is within acceptable limits.
Troubleshooting
- Hardware appears missing: This is the heat dome. There is no fix. Lower your expectations for the day and continue.
- Parts make new sounds: Within normal range. The product makes new sounds now. This is included.
- Cannot complete assembly: Return to bed. Some mornings the product is not ready to ship. Try again later.
Warranty
None. This unit was assembled yesterday and will require complete reassembly tomorrow, and every day after, for the life of the product. Save these instructions. You will need them again in approximately twenty-four hours.