The Nutrition Label on a Bad Day
If a bad day came with a label on the side, the way everything else I put in my body does, this is what the small print would say. Read it carefully. Contents have settled significantly during shipping.
Nutrition Facts
Amount per serving
Contains: fog, static, low-grade pain, one good hour (location varies).
Allergen Warning: May trigger “but you don’t look sick.” Processed in a facility that also handles guilt.
Nutrition Facts
Serving size: 1 day (you will finish the whole container whether you want to or not)
Servings per container: 1, non-refundable
Amount per serving
Spoons: Fewer than advertised. The number on the front of the box is aspirational. The number inside is whatever you actually wake up with, and you will not know it until you open the package.
% Daily Value
- Fog ......................................... 90%
- Fatigue .................................... 85%
- Background static ................. 60%
- Patience ................................. 12%
- Hope ........................................ trace amounts
Contains: fog, static, low-grade pain, one good hour (location varies), and the firm sense that you should have rested yesterday.
May contain traces of: a sudden flare, a lost word, an unexpected nap, and a craving for someone to bring you coffee without being asked.
Allergen Warning: May trigger the phrase "but you don't look sick" in third parties. This product is processed in a facility that also handles guilt.
Storage Instructions: Keep horizontal. Keep warm. Heavy blanket recommended. Do not expose to fluorescent lighting or crowded rooms.
Warning: Contents may settle and shift without notice. The day you opened as "fine" may not match the contents inside, and the manufacturer (your body) accepts no responsibility for the discrepancy.
Best By: This evening, when you may lie down and start a fresh container tomorrow, contents again unknown.
Not a significant source of energy, follow-through, or answers to "any big plans this weekend?"