If My Energy Were a Bank

I bank with an institution that does not believe in transparency. No balance display, no app, no friendly little number telling me what I have to spend. I find out what's in the account by trying to withdraw and seeing whether the card goes through.

The morning deposit is automatic and unpredictable. Some nights it clears generous, some nights it barely posts, and I never know which until I try to make a purchase. The amount is set by an overnight process I have no access to. There is no notification. There is just the day, and what it lets me buy.

Overdrafts are the real trouble. I will spend right past the balance without any warning, because nothing warned me the balance was low, and the charge does not hit until later. Around two in the afternoon the overdraft posts, and the fee is steep, and the fee is paid in flare days. The bank does not decline the transaction in the moment. It lets me overspend and bills me on the back end, where it hurts most.

There is supposedly a savings account. A reserve, for emergencies, for the big days I really want to show up for. I have been told it exists. I have never successfully accessed it. I press myself for the reserve on the days that matter, and what comes out is borrowed against tomorrow, not saved up at all. The vault is a rumor. The teller, when I ask, shrugs.

So I bank carefully, the way you do when the institution is not on your side. I spend on what matters first, in the morning, while the balance is freshest. I keep the purchases small. I assume the worst about the reserve. And I have stopped being shocked by the fees, because shock costs money too, and around here everything does.